ALLOWING FOR CHANGE
Even though we wanted to have a baby, when I learned that I was pregnant, I had a very hard time accepting it. I was resistant to leave my life as I knew it behind. And with that resistance came a lot of vomiting and extreme exhaustion. Things were changing whether I wanted them to or not, regardless if I felt ready or not. I tried to move my body when I could, connect with myself, get out of my head. In a meditation I heard, “Allow yourself to change.”
There are old ways of myself that are not prepared to have a child. In examining those, it feels dire to make some changes. One is getting back to sharing my writing. Whether anyone reads it or not is beside the point. It brings me joy, and it is up to me to take responsibility for creating joy in my life. I have been a victim of my own depression for many years, and I am tired of being sad. And, that’s certainly not the environment I want to create for my child.
I am also letting go of Instagram which was insanely hard to come to terms with. Many voices in my head told me that I need it in order to have my own company, to be successful, to see artists’ work, to hear about new restaurants. But staying on it would be a decision stemming from fear. My therapist said years ago that decisions come from one of two places: fear or love. Always choose love.
And, I am finally opening our living room up by appointment as a showroom for the pieces I have for sale on Pls Try @ Home. This has been in my head for a long time. In T Magazine, I saw this store/restaurant/home in a townhouse in Antwerp designed by Vincent Van Duysen ~ watch the video, it’s very dreamy; that’s the idea. The Pls Try showroom will be an opportunity for me to present the works in a home, host events, and serve food and drink to those visiting, luring you in with chocolate granita & cream.
In my early twenties, I had a blog where I’d catalog random content, simply about things I was loving at the moment. It was called Shade Market. It was my answer to finding a hobby and exploring things I was curious about. That project shaped me and led me on incredible paths all over the world. So, in this new stage of myself, of my life, of my never-ending experiments, I hope to rediscover and nourish what brings me joy. Starting with the things that are simple, right in front of me.
The showroom will be open by appointment beginning May 3rd. Please reach out if you would like to visit. For now, it is available Wednesday - Friday, in Los Angeles. You can see me very pregnant. We will have a snack together and cup of tea. It will be nice. :)
Change can be big or super subtle. I think what I’m looking to gain is both great and small. I want and need some things to change in my life. But I also want to be more present to the tiniest things that are so easily passed. That’s where my joy lives.